1. There are 24 useful hours of the day. Naps are not necessary, they are just a time to screw around in your room, make a big mess, find all those unforgotten thing you weren't suppose to have, and practice your trampoline skills on your bed. Bedtime is a time to practice new songs, reading in the dark, taking jammies on and off and on and off and on and off, trying new techniques to piss off your sister, and scheming new and exciting adventures for the next day. Oh and in case you didn't know, morning do start before the sun comes up!
2. The swimming pool will make you prune up like a raisin and a meltdown will ensue when it's time to be done. While the bath time will almost always be a recreation of the scene from the Wizard of Oz where the wicked witch is turned to dust when water is poured on her.
3. Each hand does need a full hand full of soap to have clean hands when washing hands. If the sink is not completely full of bubbles then toddler hands are not fully clean.
4. Panties are not just panties. There are sister panties: those that look like big sister's panties, sissy panties: those that used to be big sister's panties, Jessie Bulls-eye panties: panties that have Jessie and Bulls-eye from Toy Story on them, and then all the other 400 pairs of panties that are completely useless and unwearable for some unknown to human kind reason.
5. "I am a boy" in a very very convincing voice. All the while carrying a purse full of lipstick, necklace, phone, and baby items and wearing a tutu, tiara, and high heals, oh and pushing a baby in a stroller up and down the hallway.
6. How to order the porn channel from the new remote control to the satellite when we cant even figure out how to change the damn channel. An some people brag their kids can count to a million, read, write, and do brain surgery by toddlerhood.
7. Knowing why a toilet has an "S" shape to it and while being thankful it does, cussing because it does. In case you didn't know Target prescription bottles and Bic Soleil razors will not flush. They get caught nicely in the middle of that "S" and can't be pulled out unless the toilet is pulled up. But for the inquiring minds little panties flush very nicely. (Whole other girl drama story)
8. Knowing how to pull up a toilet, cleaning out objects from above #7's "S" shape and replacing the toilet in record time. We now keep bees wax rings under the bathroom sink. (FYI I used Lowe's webpage as my guide for doing this the first few times)
9. Deep breaths are always healthy. I figured out why I learned Lamaze breathing, while it was completely worthless for me in her child birth, it has come in quite handy in her toddlerhood.
10. Laughing, lots and lots and lots of laughing. Some days I'm laughing with her, some days I'm laughing at her, and some days I'm just laughing so I don't send her to grandma's house for a long vacation.
In case your wondering things I didn't learn from my first born daughter?? All of the above.
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